Profession Jokes - Journalist Jokes
President Trump invited top religious leaders to Mar-a-Lago for a meeting. While having lunch at the beach cafe, a gust of wind blew the Pope's hat off, right into the water. It floated off about 50 feet into the ocean, then the wind died down. The press couldn't believe their good fortune as they captured it all on video. The water was quite deep so the Mar-a-Lago staff and the Secret Service were scrambling to launch a boat to retrieve it, when Trump waved them off saying, "Never mind boys, I'll get it.”
Then Trump calmly stepped off the dock and walked on the water to the hat, picked it up, walked back on the water, stepped back on the dock, and handed the Pope his hat.
Everyone at the event was speechless. No one knew what to say, not even the Pope. But that afternoon, ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN & MSNBC reported:
"TRUMP CAN'T SWIM!”
Praying at the Wailing Wall.
A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man. She asks: "You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that and what are you praying for? "The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home have a cup of tea and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth. "The journalist is amazed. "How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?" she asks.The old man looks at her sadly. "Like I'm talking to a wall."
58 Newspaper Headlines
1. Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says
2. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers
3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
4. Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case
5. Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
6. Farmer Bill Dies In House
7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
8. Is There A Ring Of Debris Around Uranus?
9. Stud Tires Out
10. Prostitutes Appeal To Pope
11. Panda Mating Fails: Veterinarian Takes Over
12. Soviet Virgin Lands Short Of Goal Again
13. British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands
14. Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms
15. Eye Drops Off Shelf
16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
17. Reagan Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead
18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
19. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
21. Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told
22. Miners Refuse to Work After Death
23. Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant
24. Stolen Painting Found By Tree
25. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
26. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter
27. Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years
28. Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One
29. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in '84
30. War Dims Hope For Peace
31. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
32. Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures
33. Enfields Couple Slain Police Suspect Homicide
34. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
35. Deer Kill 17,000
36. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery Hundreds Dead
37. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
38. New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group
39. Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft
40. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
41. Chef Throws His Heart Into Helping Needy
42. Arson Suspect Is Held In Massachusetts Fire
43. British Union Finds Dwarves In Short Supply
44. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
45. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
46. Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half
47. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
48. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
49. Deaf College Opens Doors To Hearing
50. Air Head Fired
51. Steals Clock, Faces Time
52. Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
53. Old School Pillars are Replaced By Alumni
54. Bank Drive-In Window Blocked By Board
55. Hospitals are Sued By 7 Foot Doctors
56. Some Pieces Of Rock Hudson Sold At Auction
57. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
58. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
A woman reporter is driving a jeep in the desert. She sees a Captain in the French Foreign Legion pulling and tugging on a camel, but the camel won't budge.
The woman stops and says, "Captain! Do you need some help with the camel?"
The legionarie tells her the camel won't budge but she's welcome to try. The reporter gets out of the jeep, takes two bricks from the back and POW... smashes the camel's testicles with the bricks. The camel makes a terrible noise and runs off into the desert.
The captain drops his pants and says, "Great! Do me next, I've got to catch that son of a bitch!"
The Great Invasion
A young English woman, Polly Martin, met and fell in love with a Yank during WWII. He was a reporter and battlefield artist attached to the military. His name was Wally Woodword and whenever there was any battlefield action Wally would make quick sketches on the front lines which he would later turn into proper drawings from which he wrote his reports. Now, Polly and her friend Susan worked for the Ministry of Defense as did many young English women and the department they worked in was one that allowed them to know a lot of interesting information - including the exact date of the Normandy Invasion. The day before the invasion Polly was telling Susan that she planned to spirit her reporter boyfriend away next day and take him on a picnic out in the country. "But, you can't do that," Susan replied. "Why not?" Her friend asked. "Polly, Wally doodles all D-Day!"