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Profession Jokes - Farmer Jokes
Clever Farmer
This big lawyer from the city was watching Duck Dynasty on A&E and decided that duck hunting might be just the thing he needed to relieve his stress. He drove out to the country and spotted a bunch of ducks in a pond. He quickly stopped his car, got out his shotgun and managed to shoot one of the ducks. A farmer ran out of a nearby building upon hearing the shot and screams at the lawyer, "Hey you can't shoot that duck on my property. That duck belongs to me. Hand it over!" The lawyer says, 'Hell no I shot him so I get to keep him!" The farmer suggests they settle it 'country style' (which is to kick each other in the nuts till the other one falls over). The farmer goes first and slams the lawyer with a nice hard stiff kick. Upon receiving the kick, the lawyer damn near collapses from the pain. The lawyer managed to regain his balance and stuttered, "Its my turn." The farmer looked at him with a smirk and said "aw Hell, keep the damn duck!"
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Donkey, Chicken and a Rooster
One day, a man went to a nearby farm to buy some of the animals that were for sale there. He walked up to the farmer and said, "Hey, that's a nice donkey you got there. I think I'll take it." The farmer replied, "That's not a donkey, that's an ass." So, the man said, "Okay, then, I'll take the ass." Then he walked over to the chicken coup and said, "I like that chicken. I'll take it too." The farmer replied, "That is a pullet." So the man said, "Okay, I'll take the pullet." He was looking at a rooster and said, "Well, I guess I'll take the rooster, too." The farmer replied, "That's not a rooster, it's a cock." So they load the pullet and the cock into the back of the man's truck and tie the ass to the back. The man then pays the farmer as the farmer tells him, "Now, sometimes the ass gets a little stubborn and he stops. All you have to do is get out and scratch his back, and he'll go again." So the man drives away. All of a sudden, the ass stops, and the pullet and the cock fly out of the back. The man is trying to get them back when a woman comes out and says, "Can I help you?" The man replies, "Yeah, could you grab my cock and pullet while I scratch my ass?"
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The Rabbit Mule And Rooster
A guy goes down south to be a farmer because it's his life long dream. He buys a piece of land and heads down there, now all he needs are the animals. He goes into a store and asks the clerk for a rooster to wake him up every morning. The clerk says, "We don't call 'em roosters, we call 'em cocks." "Okay" the man says. "I'll take a cock and a rabbit for the farm." "We pronounce it rubbit says the clerk." "Okay, I'll take those two things and a mule to carry them home." "We don't call 'em mules, we call 'em asses and every time the ass stops walkin', just scratch behind his ear." So the man walks out of the store with the three animals. He's walking home when all of a sudden the mule stops. The man sees a lady passing by and asks, "Can you hold my cock and rubbit while I scratch my ass?"
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