Problem with a dog

Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle.
Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can't even ride a bicycle.

Genius Psych Student

A professor of a Freshman Psychology course had a class of 400 students. His final exam was scheduled very early 8am - 10am. The professor told his students that his final was not a cumulative final and just covered the information since the last midterm, so in essence, the final was just like a midterm and would only require 1 hour of the 2 hour allotted time. The professor told the students to bring a large Blue Book. The professor was adamant that the students were only going to have 1 hour and not one minute more to complete the essay style exam. The students requested the exam to begin at 9am instead of 8am since they only had an hour. The professor denied the request because the professor preferred to use the second hour to begin grading the exams. The students moaned at the idea of waking up early. On the morning of the exam, the test began at 8:10. At 8:35, a student walked in and picked up the test questions from the professor. The professor told the student he wouldn't have enough time to complete the test. The student replied "Yes I will." At 9:10, the professor stopped the test and all the students turned in their blue books as they exited the room. The late student continued to write. The professor began grading some the exams. At 9:35, the student walked up to the desk to hand in his exam, and the professor told him it was unacceptable. The student in a surprised manner asked the professor, "Do you know who I am?" The professor replied, "No, and I don't care." The student said, "Good," and he stuffed his exam in the middle of the stack of 300 blue books. "Have a nice Summer" said the student as he left the room.

Wink Wink

A man was interviewing for a sales representative. One candidate would have been ideal for the position except that he had a disconcerting mannerism. He kept winking. "Look here, I'd like to give you the job, you've got good references and experience. The trouble is this tick you've got of winking all the time, it might bother our customers. "No worries." the candidate replied. "All I've got to do to get rid of it is to take a couple of aspirins." In saying this he began emptying his pockets. The employer was startled to see dozens of condoms, multicolored ones, ribbed ones, heavy duty varieties and every known brand of standard condom. "Here we are." said the rep. He swallowed two aspirins and his winking stopped at once. "That's all very well but we couldn't hire a man who was going to be womanizing all over his territory." "Oh I wouldn't dream of it, I'm happily married." "Then how do you account for all of those condoms?"
"Simple, did you ever go into a pharmacy winking all the time and ask for a bottle of aspirins?"