Little Johnny Learns Definitely

A teacher was teaching her students the meaning of the word 'definitely.' So she thought if they each got up and used it in a sentence, they would understand it better. So one student gets up and says,"The sky is definitely blue." The teacher says, "That's not always true because clouds can make it look gray." Another student says, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher says,"But it can look yellow if you don't water it." Then Little Johnny asks the teacher," Are there lumps in farts?" The teacher replies, "Excuse me?" Little Johnny repeats, "Are there lumps in farts?" Then the teacher says,"That isn't even a response to my question, but no there are no lumps in farts." Then he replies, "Then I definitely just sh*t my pants!"

Stinky Law

Q: What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court?
A: 'Odor' in the court.

Taking Temperature

This guy took his nymphomaniac wife to the sex therapist for treatment. "This is one hot potato of a lady, doctor," he said, "Maybe you can do something for her? She goes for any man, any age, any time, anywhere and it is just driving me crazy with jealousy." 
"We'll see," the therapist said. He directed the wife into his examining room, closed the door behind her, and told her to get undressed. Then he told her to get up onto the examining table on her stomach. The moment he touched her buttocks, she began to squirm and moan. It was too much for him to resist, so he climbed up on top of her and began screwing her. The husband suddenly hears the moans and groans coming from the examination room. Very suspicious, he bursts into the room and is confronted by the sight of the doctor astride his wife and banging away.
"Doctor, what are you doing?!?" he asked. Flustered, the therapist replied,
"Oh, it's you! I'm only taking your wife's temperature!" The husband pulled out a large pocket knife and began to hone it deliberately on his sleeve.
"Well, doc," he said, "when you take that thing out, it better have numbers on it!"