Saran Wrapped

Q: What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked in to the office?
A: I can clearly see "you're" nuts!

Ken's New Corvette

Ken is out on the interstate having an evening drive in his new Corvette. He decides to open her up and the needle jumps to 120 mph. Suddenly he sees a flashing red and blue light behind him. He thinks about outrunning the cops, accelerates for a few seconds, then comes to his senses and pulls over. The officer comes over to check his license. “I’ve had a tough shift,” says the officer. “And this is my last traffic stop. I don’t feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before you can go!” “Uh , last week my wife ran off with a cop,” says Ken. “And when I saw your car I was afraid he was trying to give her back!” “Have a nice night,” says the officer.

State your Name

A guy gets pulled over for speeding and the officer said, "What's your name son?" He replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” The Officer looked at him suspiciously and said,  “Oh, do you have a stutter?”
The guy replied, “No sir, my dad has a stutter and the guy who filled out my birth certificate is an asshole.”