Profession Jokes

Scientists in a Corn Maze

Q: How many scientists does it take to get out of a corn maze?
A: Nobody knows they haven't made it out yet!

Categories: Profession Jokes , Riddles
Anonymous

Procrastinator's Creed

1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.
3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.
4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.
5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.
6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.
7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitely small, is not exactly zero.
8. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.
9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
10. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.
11. I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior to beginning the greater task.
12. I know that the work cycle is not plan/start/finish, but is wait/plan/plan.
13. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.
14. I will become a member of the ancient Order of Two-Headed Turtles (the Procrastinator's Society) if they ever get it organized.

Categories: Funny Thoughts , Profession Jokes
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

French Fighter Pilot

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says: "Pierre, kiss me!" Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips. "What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie. "I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I like to have red wine! She smiles and they start kissing. When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower." Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts. "Pierre! What are you doing?' asks the bewildered Marie. "I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to have white wine!" They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me lower!" Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire. Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, "PIERRE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" "I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I go down, I go down in flames!"

Categories: Alcohol Jokes (Wine Jokes) , Ethnic / Country Jokes (French Jokes) , Profession Jokes (Pilot Jokes) , Relationship Jokes (Dating Jokes)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous