Long Life

A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long life. He said, "You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal, see. If you do, you'll live to a nice ripe old age." So the cowboy did this religiously every day, and sure enough, lived to the nice ripe old age of 96. When he died he left behind 4 children, 8 grandchildren, 15 great-grandchildren ...and a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

Blonde Landing

Q: Why did the blonde crash her plane when landing?
A: Because the runway was only 25ft long, but a mile wide.

Walking Down An Alley

I was walking down an alley last night, when I heard, "Help! Help!" coming from behind a dumpster. Two thugs were trying to steal an old lady's handbag, but she was putting up a Hell of a fight and wouldn't let go. I wondered if I should get involved, or keep walking and pretend I didn't see anything... I finally decided that I should help. It didn't take the three of us very long to get her handbag.