A Lawyer Who Doesn't Know the Law

Q: What do you call a lawyer who doesn't know the law?
A: A judge.

Fill The Bottle

An elderly couple wanted to have children, but nothing worked. So they went to a doctor, and got checked over. The doctor took time to reassure them. "Don't worry," he said, "Just take this sample bottle home, and bring it back tomorrow." So he went home feeling better, and went back the next day with his little bottle. It was empty. The doctor looked at the bottle carefully, "Problems?" he said. "Have I ever had problems, doc!" the man replied. " I went home and straight upstairs, and worked at it for over half an hour. Both hands. I tell you doc, my hands got too sore to hold it!  I had to get the wife upstairs and she had a go. But even she, with all her experience, couldn't do it." "So what did you do?" said the doctor. " We had a discussion, and got the mother-in-law involved. I was sure she'd manage it, but it was no go, even when she used her mouth. And doc, she tried with her teeth in, and her teeth out!!" "But nothing we tried would get the top off that bloody bottle!"

A Dead Ringer

The Hunchback of Notre Dame croaks so they need to find a new bell-ringer. A guy with no arms comes along and says he can do it. "But you've got no arms... you can't do this job!" says the church leader. The new applicant shouts back - "Sure I can... I'll do it with my mouth!" So the church hires him and he starts his bell-ringing duties the next day. He begins ringing the bell using only his mouth, but the bell is so heavy, it tosses him out the window to the ground and splatters him dead. He's lying dead on the ground and a big crowd gathers around him. "Who is that guy?" one person says. "I don't know says another, but his face sure rings a bell..."