Lawyer on His Deathbed

A lawyer was on his deathbed in his bedroom, and he called to his wife. She rushed in and said, "What is it, honey?" He told her to run and get the bible as soon as possible. Being a religious woman, she thought this was a good idea. She ran and got it, prepared to read him his favorite verse or something of the sort. He snatched it from her and began quickly scanning pages, his eyes darting right and left. The wife was curious, so she asked, "What are you doing, honey?" "I'm looking for loopholes!" he shouted.

Why Engineers Don't Write Recipe Books

Chocolate Chip Cookies:
Ingredients:

1. 532.35 cm3 gluten
2. 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
3. 4.9 cm3 refined halite
4. 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5. 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6. 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7. 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
8. Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
9. 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10. 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10) To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1)

Instructions:

• With an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogeneous.
• To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogeneous mixture in reactor #1.
• Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.
• Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm).
• Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order rate [removed]see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown.
• Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.

Locked in the Trunk

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
Monday, December 7, 1992 Joe Albert Ruiz, 19, was arrested in Santa Maria in September. Police said he had broken into a car in the middle of the night and was in the trunk, disconnecting the rear speakers, when the trunk closed and locked him in. Neighbors reported strange noises, and a police officer called to the scene heard Ruiz banging on the trunk and yelling, "Let me out!"