Waiter

Being a waiter isn't a very glamorous job.
But at least it puts food on the table.

Main Vice President

Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!". "Really?" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store. A clerk answers and Tom says "Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?" The clerk replies "Canned or frozen?"

Middle East Policy

Q: Why was former President Clinton so interested in the events in the Middle East?
A: Because he thought the Gaza Strip is a topless bar!