11 Business One Liners

1. In every work of genius we recognize our rejected thoughts.
2. In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.
3. In spite of all evidence to the contrary, the entire universe is composed of only two basic substances: magic and lies.
4. In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
5. Incompetence is a double-edged banana.
6. Influence is like a savings account. The less you use it, the more you've got. - Andrew Young, American politician
7. Inspiration and perspiration are related by more than rhyme.
8. Intelligence is a tool to be used towards a goal, and goals are not always chosen intelligently. - Larry Niven 'Protector'
9. Interchangeable parts won't.
10. Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
11. It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Reading Time

A Cowboy riding down the trail encounters an Indian laying on the trail with hard on. The Cowboy asks "what are you doing?" Indian says, " Me tellum time." Cowboy shakes his head, rides on, encounters another exactly the same. Says "You telling time?" "Yup," "How can you tell time like that?" The Indian says, "workum like sundial, readum shadow." Cowboy, incredulous, rides on and encounters an Indian in the trail masturbating. The Cowboy says "let me guess, you're telling time too." Indian says " Nope. But me windum clock!"

Ploughing the land

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.  The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, "You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today."  The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, "When do you have time to plow your land? At night?"  "No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is when I put the water in the hole."