Doctor's Notes

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered; "Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."

Glazed

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?" The man gets really indignant and says,
"Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"

The Blond and the Night Watchman

Passing an office building late one night, a blonde saw a sign that said, "Press bell for night watchman." She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs. The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door. "Well,"  he snarled at the blonde, "what do you want?" "I just want to know why you can't ring the bell for yourself?"