I've got a rash

A man goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, I've got a rash round my cock, have you got anything for it?"
The doctor said "Put this on and come back next week if it doesn't work."
The man comes back the next week and the cream hadn't worked, so he tells the doctor. The doctor gives him more cream and tells him to come back next week if it doesn't work. The man comes back and the cream still hasn't worked, so the doctor says "Drop your pants."
The man drops his pants and the doctor has a look and tells him to put another cream on. The man then says "Doctor it's worked!! What was that?"
The doctor replies "Lipstick remover"

At The Pearly Gates

Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't REALLY need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, "1,228." "That's right! You may enter." St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them."

Fishing on the Lake

A famous admiral and an equally famous general were fishing together when a sudden squall came up. When it died down both eminent warriors were struggling helplessly in the water. The admiral floundered his way back to the boat and pulled himself painfully in. Then he fished out the general, using an oar. Catching his breath, he puffed: "Please don't say a word about this to anyone. If the Navy found I can't swim I'd be disgraced. "Don't worry," the general said. "Your secret is safe. I'd hate to have my men find out I can't walk on water."