Car Acronyms

• AUDI - Accelerates Under Demonic Influence. Always Unsafe Designs Implemented. All Un-informed Drivers Insulted. All Unnecessary Devices Installed
• BMW - Big Money Works. Bought My Wife. Brutal Money Waster
• BUICK - Big Ugly Indestructable Car Killer
• CHEVROLET - Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips. Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
• DODGE - Dumb Old Dirty Gas Eater. Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
• FORD - Fix Or Repair Daily. Found On Road, Dead. Fast Only Rolling Downhill
• GM - General Maintenance
• GMC - Garage Man's Companion
• HONDA - Had One Never Did Again. Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else. Hated Old Noisy Damaged Auto
• HYUNDAI - Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive?
• MAZDAMost Always Zipping Dangerously Along
• OLDSMOBILE - Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Every day. Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment SAABSend Another Automobile Back
• TOYOTA - Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
• VOLVO - Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
• VW - Virtually Worthless

Lawyers

A man calls his lawyers office. When the receptionist answers the phone he asks to speak to Mr. Taylor, his lawyer.The receptionist replies, "I'm sorry, but Mr. Taylor died last week." The man says nothing and hangs up the phone. The next day he calls the office and again asks for Mr. Taylor. The receptionist says, "Sir, I told you yesterday that Mr. Taylor has died." The man again says nothing and hangs up the phone. The next day he calls the office again and asks for his lawyer. The receptionist gets angry and says "Sir, I have told you for two days that Mr. Taylor has passed away. Why do you continue to call?" The man then answers "I like hearing good news when I call my lawyer's office."

Trapped Animals

Marriage is the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license