Laundry Wash

Q: Why should you wash your clothes in tide?
A: Because it's way too cold out-tide.

The Snake and the Truck

There once was a snake crossing a highway and a truck ran over its ass. When the snake went back to get its ass, a truck ran over its head. The moral of the story is, "Don't lose your head over a piece of ass!"

Ten Reasons To Buy A New Car

10. Your passenger seat is on the National Register of Historic Places.
9. Instead of an air bag, there's a whoopee cushion taped to your steering wheel.
8. You lose the stoplight challenge to a 14-year-old on a mo-ped.
7. The 15 minute JiffyLube needs to keep your car for 3 days.
6. When you gas up, the attendant asks, "Can I re-duct tape that windshield for you?"
5. Thieves repeatedly break in your car just to steal "The Club."
4. While sitting at a stop light, people keep running up to you and asking if anyone was hurt.
3. For the last five years, you've had to settle for making "vroom, vroom" noises while in the driveway.
2. You keep losing dates on left turns.
1. Traffic reporters start referring to you by name when discussing morning tie-ups.