Signs And Notices Around England

These are supposedly actual signs that have been found in and around parts of England.

• Sign in a Laundromat; Automatic washing machines: Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
• Sign in a London department store: Bargain Basement upstairs.
• In an office: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back, or further steps will be taken.
• Outside a farm: Horse manure per pre-packed bag DIY.
• In an office: After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.
• On a church door: This is the gate of heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is to be kept locked because of the draft, please use side entry.)
• Outside a secondhand shop: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines, etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?
• Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales: The town hall is closed until opening. It will remain closed after being opened. Open tomorrow.

Small Mistake

The divorce court was attentive as the wealthy Yuppette complained to the Judge that her husband had left her bed and board. When she had finished, the husband's lawyer rose to his feet and coolly replied, "Your Honor, I have a slight correction in the typing of the charging documents. My client claims that he left her bed 'bored'."

Gay Squirrel And Monkey

Q: Why shouldn't you have a gay monkey and a gay squirrel in the same tree?
A: Because the monkey will go bananas over the squirrel's nuts.