Ten Signs You've Eaten Too Much

10. Hundreds of volunteers have started to stack sandbags around you.
9. Doctor tells you your weight would be perfect for a man 17 feet tall.
8. You are responsible for a slight but measurable shift in the earth's axis.
7. Right this minute you're laughing up pie on the carpet.
6. You decide to take a little nap and wake up in mid-July.
5. World's fattest man sends you a telegram, warning you to "back off!"
4. CBS tells you to lose weight or else.
3. Getting off your couch requires help from the fire department.
2. Every escalator you step on immediately grinds to a halt.
1. You're sweating gravy.

MLB Member Quotes

• "It was too bad I wasn't a second baseman; then I'd probably have seen a lot more of my husband." - Karolyn Rose, ex-wife of Pete Rose, 1981
• "It's a weird scene. You win a few baseball games and all of a sudden, you're surrounded by reporters and TV men with cameras asking you about Vietnam and race relations." - Vida Blue, 1971
• "I watch a lot of baseball on the radio." - Gerald Ford, 1978
• "It's a beautiful day for a night game." - Announcer Frankie Frisch
• "The most important things in life are good friends and a strong bull pen." - Pitcher Bob Lemon, 1981
• "Well, that kind of puts a damper on another Yankees win." - Announcer Phil Rizzuto, after a news bulletin reporting the death of Pope Paul VI, 1978.
• "They brought me up with the Brooklyn Dodgers, which at time was in Brooklyn." - Casey Stengel, 1962
• "I won't play for a penny less than $1500." - Honus Wagner, turning down an offer of $2000.

Little Penis Tattoo

A biker had been injured in an accident and was hospitalized. Several nurses each had the opportunity to give him a sponge bath and were commenting on his genitals. They all had noticed a tattoo of the word ''Little." So they drew straws to see who would find out what the whole tattoo said. The nurse with the shortest straw went into the guy's room while the others waited in the hall. Suddenly, they heard a commotion, then moans of passion and a piercing scream. Finally, she came out of the room with her skirt up around her waist, her panties around one ankle and a contented smile on her face. The others ask her what she found out. "It says 'Little Rock Arkansas, Big Dick Champion, 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 1997 and 1998!''