Tossed Off A Ship

A panhandler was caught trying to sneak aboard a Princess liner about to embark on a three-day trip to the Bahamas. He was caught by the Purser who threw him off the ship telling him, "Beggars can't be cruisers."

Winter Dresses

Q: Why don't women wear dresses in the winter?
A: Chapped lips.

Marriage Quotes

• My other wife is beautiful.
• My wife doesn't care what I do away from home, as long as I don't enjoy it.
• My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them.
• My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!
• My wife says if I go fishing one more time she's going to leave me. Gosh, I'm going to miss her.
• My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way.
• Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.
• No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.
• Nothing says loving like marrying your cousin!
• I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.