Come Again

Bet $100 that I'd win the premature ejaculator of the year award.
Disappointed. Came second.

Little Johnny's Birthday Wish

Little Johnny asks his father for a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny's father says, "We have an $80,000 mortgage on the house, and I just got laid off! There won't be a $200 bike this year." Two days later, Little Johnny walks out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. His father asks him why he's leaving. Johnny says, "Early this morning, I was walking past your room, and I heard you tell Mommy that you were pulling out, and Mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too, and I'll be damned if I'll get stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!"

Where are We?

Fritz Kriesler and Rachmaninov had a recital in Carnegie Hall. In the middle of the music, Kriesler got lost and turned around to ask Rachmaninov, "Where are we?"
Rachmaninov said, "Carnegie Hall, sir!"