No Poop

My friend told me he hasn't pooped in over a month, but I'm not sure I believe him... 
...either way he's full of shit.

A Walking Economy

This guy is walking with his friend, who happens to be a psychologist. He says to this friend, "I'm a walking economy." The friend asks, "How so?" "My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting me into a deep depression!"

Confederate General

Q: Who rode a dog and was a confederate general during the American Civil War?
A: Robert E Flea!