Emotion Costume Party

A lady is throwing a party where each guest shows up as their favorite emotion. A guest arrives dressed in green. "Envy!" she says, and lets him in. A lady comes dressed in red. She says, "Anger!" and lets her in. Two naked guys walk up to the front door. One guy is holding a bowl of pudding with his penis stuck in it, and the other guy has his penis in a hollowed-out pear. "Wait a minute," she says to them. "This is supposed to be an emotion party!" The first guy says, "Yeah, and I'm f**king dis-custard." The second guy says, "And I'm deep in dis-pear."

Quarter Tone

Q: What's the definition of a quarter tone?  
A: A bagpiper tuning his drones.

Fishy Advice

A four winged flying horse fish told me I should stop taking drugs if I want to keep my job in animal genetics.