Nun and Fat Lady

Q: What's the difference between a nun and a fat lady?
A: One's tryin' to diet, and the other's dyin to try it...

Life's Truisms

Some of life's truisms...

• Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
• Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
• Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
• Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
• I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
• Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
• If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
• A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
• Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
• For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
• No one is listening until you make a mistake.
• Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
• The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
• Two wrongs are only the beginning.
• You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
• The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• Change is inevitable... except from vending machines.
• A fool and his money are soon partying.
• Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

Yo Mama - Left Arm

Yo mama so fat, her measurements are 36-24-26, and that's just her left arm.