Five Minutes To Midnight

A cop drives up to lovers lane and sees a car there. So he walks up to the car, and there's a girl in the back seat knitting and a boy in the front seat reading a book. The cop asks the boy how old he is and what he's doing. The boy answers, "I'm reading a book and I'm 20." Then the cop asks what the girl's doing and how old she is. The boy replies, "She's knitting and she'll be 18 in about five minutes." 

Find Yourself

Some day you will find yourself, and wish that you hadn't.

Tony Blair Interviewed by Peter Jennings

Tony Blair Interviewed by Peter Jennings
Peter Jennings: Why do you think the English lost the War of Independence?
Tony Blair: Rust on our equiptment.
Peter Jennings: Rust! Can you elaborate?
Tony Blair: Rust, you see, affected our leg weaponery. Our knee spears.
Peter Jennings: Knee spears? Why, I've never heard of such a thing!
Tony Blair: Really, I thought everyone had heard of Brit knee spears!