Double Feature

Yo mama so cross-eyed, she went to a movie and thought it was a double feature.

Respect For The Dead

I believe in respect for the dead, in fact I could only respect you if you were dead.

Diamond Ring

My boyfriend bought me a diamond ring
The stone was cut in the shape of a four leaf clover. I wore it all the time to show how much it meant to me.
One day, I got curious and had it valued at a jeweller's. Unfortunately they told me that my boyfriend had been swindled, as the diamond was actually a cubic zirconia.
It was a sham rock.