Pink, Moist and Split

Q: What is pink and moist and split in the middle?
A: A grapefruit!

Signs You Hired The Wrong Kid To Mow Your Lawn

Signs you hired the wrong kid to mow your lawn...

• He shows up with a pair of nail clippers and a Ziploc bag.
• On the side of his mower you notice the stenciled silhouettes of thirteen cats.
• Stops frequently to nap inside the grass-catcher.
• Always trying to impress you by stopping the mower blades with his head.
• You notice him shoving the last of his clothes into the mulcher.
• He's fascinated by the details of you home security system.
• Stops every couple of minutes to smoke some clippings.
• Somehow manages to mow the hood ornament off your Lexus.
• Turns a goat loose and says he'll be back in three weeks.
• No toes.

Success Before Work

Q: Where does success come before work?
A: In the dictionary!