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The best jokes and joke writers!

Pirate Interview

The pirate Red Beard was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who was looking for juicy stories of excitement and derring-do. He told Red, "I'm sure my readers would love to hear the tale behind your pegleg." "Well, I was thrown from the ship during gale force winds, and before me mate could throw me a line, a shark bit me leg clean off!" The interviewer was sort of disappointed. "What about the hook at the end of your right arm?" "I lost it in a sword fight with the Captain of the Guard!" Again the reporter was disappointed. "Certainly there's an exciting story about the patch on your eye?" "One day, I was out on deck, and a bird flew over and pooped in me eye!" The reporter was amazed. "That's why you wear a patch?" "Well, I'd only had me hook a couple of days!"

Four Things Have in Common

Q: What do a hurricane, a tornado, a fire and a divorce have in common?

A: They are four ways you can lose your house!

Coconut & Hurricane

Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut?

A: Hold on to your nuts, it's going to be a hell of a blow job!

Top 10 Reasons Why Hurricane Season is Like Christmas

Top Ten Reasons Hurricane Season is Like Christmas

10. Decorating the house (boarding up windows)

9. Dragging out boxes that haven't been used since last season (camping gear, flashlights)

8. Last minute shopping in crowded stores

7. Regular TV shows pre-empted for "specials"

6. Family coming to stay with you

5. Family and friends from out-of-state calling

4. Buying food you don't normally buy ... and in large quantities

3. Days off from work

2. Candles

 

And the number one reason Hurricane Season is like Christmas...

1. At some point you know you're going to have a tree in your house!

Hurricane Matthew

Hurricane Matthew is like my ex-wife.

At first things were wet and intense, then I lost my house.