Top 15 Good Things About a Cold Winter
- The melodious clanging Anna Nicole Smith's breasts make when she walks.
- BATF calls off its siege of your heavily fortified compound when agents run out of hot cocoa.
- Much easier to locate nipples during foreplay.
- Finally, a chance to say, "Yeah, but it's a dry cold."
- Natural refrigeration keeps vagrants crisp and fresh until Spring.
- You can chill your malt liquor on the window ledge at work.
- Joy of frostbite makes it easier to rid your self of those troublesome extremities.
- No news clips of the President jogging for at least 8 more weeks.
- Watching O.J. enviously eye everyone else's toasty-warm glove-clad hands.
- Flashers stick to describing themselves.
- Spouse temporarily stops using back seat of car for elicit affairs.
- When it's 10 below, nobody gives a rat's ass whether Internet Explorer is better than Netscape.
- With multiple layers, people with buns of steel look exactly like people with buns of cinnamon.
- The shivering just makes your Katherine Hepburn impersonation that much better, you old poop!
- Goodbye, runny nose. Hello, Snotcicles!
Hurricane Matthew is like my ex-wife.
At first things were wet and intense, then I lost my house.
Top 10 Reasons Why Hurricane Season is Like Christmas
Top Ten Reasons Hurricane Season is Like Christmas
10. Decorating the house (boarding up windows)
9. Dragging out boxes that haven't been used since last season (camping gear, flashlights)
8. Last minute shopping in crowded stores
7. Regular TV shows pre-empted for "specials"
6. Family coming to stay with you
5. Family and friends from out-of-state calling
4. Buying food you don't normally buy ... and in large quantities
3. Days off from work
And the number one reason Hurricane Season is like Christmas...
1. At some point you know you're going to have a tree in your house!
Blondes Love Lightning
Q: Why do blondes smile when there's lightning?
A: Because they think they're getting their picture taken!
You're so small that when it rains you're the last to know!