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The best jokes and joke writers!

Cold Bikers

Once, there were two bikers driving down the highway on a cold afternoon. "Man! commented one... it's FREEZING!!! and my coat won't zip up. The cold air is killing me!!" The other biker thought for a minute as they sped down the road. "Well, he said at last... you can turn your jacket around, then the open side would be at the back. You wouldn't get so cold that way." "Great idea!" commented the other. "stop and let me switch." The driver pulled over, and the passenger put his jacket on backwards. "There! he said when he had completed the switch. I feel better already." The two of them climbed back on the motorcycle and drove off. Then, suddenly they hit a patch of ice on the road, and spun off and crashed. A few minutes later a crowd had gathered, and when the ambulance arrived, the EMTs shouted out "Is anybody hurt?" One guy from the crowd replied  "Well, the driver was dead when I got here, and the other guy was doing alright until we fixed his head."

Harvey

Q: What did the weather satellite say to mission control?

A: Houston, you have a problem.

Weather Warning

Q: What warning did the National Weather Service give before the blizzard?

A: If you only have liability insurance, stay your ass at home.  This weather is for full-coverage customers only.

Hurricane Matthew

Hurricane Matthew is like my ex-wife.

At first things were wet and intense, then I lost my house.

Top 10 Reasons Why Hurricane Season is Like Christmas

Top Ten Reasons Hurricane Season is Like Christmas

10. Decorating the house (boarding up windows)

9. Dragging out boxes that haven't been used since last season (camping gear, flashlights)

8. Last minute shopping in crowded stores

7. Regular TV shows pre-empted for "specials"

6. Family coming to stay with you

5. Family and friends from out-of-state calling

4. Buying food you don't normally buy ... and in large quantities

3. Days off from work

2. Candles

 

And the number one reason Hurricane Season is like Christmas...

1. At some point you know you're going to have a tree in your house!