Texan Computer Terms

"Hard drive" - Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.
"Keyboard" - Place to hang your truck keys.
"Window" - Place in the truck to hang your guns.
"Floppy" - When you run out of Polygrip.
"Modem" - How you got rid of your dandelions.
"ROM" - Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.
"Byte" - First word in a kiss-off phrase.
"Reboot" - What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.
"Network" - Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line.
"Mouse" - Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.
"LAN" - To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck."
"Cursor" - What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.
"Bit" - A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways."
"Digital Control" - What yore fingers do on the TV remote.
"Packet" - What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.

Hawaii Crazy Law

• Coins are not allowed to be placed in one's ears.
• All residents may be fined as a result of not owning a boat.
• Within the limits of any public park, it is unlawful to annoy any bird. (SEC. 10-1.2)

North V. South

• The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes. The South has 'mater samiches.
• The North has coffeehouses. The South has Waffle Houses.
• The North has dating services. The South has family reunions.
• The North has switchblade knives. The South has Lee Press-on Nails.
• The North has double last names. The South has double first names.
• The North has Ted Kennedy. The South has Jesse Helms.
• The North has an ambulance. The South has an amalance.
• The North has the Mafia. The South has NASCAR.
• The North has Indy car races. The South has Swamp Buggy races.
• The North has Cream of Wheat or Oatmeal. The South has grits.
• The North has green salads. The South has collard greens and chitlins.
• The North has lobsters. The South has crawdads.
• The North has Distilleries, Breweries, and liquor stores. The South has stills, shine, and them ridgerunners.
• The North has the rust belt. The South has the Bible Belt.
• The North has Dan Quayle. The South has Bill Clinton.