New York City to England
This lady who was living in New York City had to get back to her old country but she was broke. One day she wandered down to the docks and spotted a worker getting ready to load supplies onto a boat. "Please I need to get back to England" she pleaded. "If you sneak me onboard tonight I'll give you favors all the way across the ocean." Well needless to say later that night he put her in a duffel bag and carried her onboard. Down in the hold where she was hidden he said, "When I bring you some food, twice a day, I'll collect." And being true to her word she agreed. This went on for about a week when by accident the captain found her. "Please don't get angry," she started to say and explained the story to the captain who busted up laughing. "Why are you laughing?" she demanded. He said, "Because you're on the Staten Island Ferry."
Ocean Cruise and the Doctor
Steve is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he's worried about getting real seasick. The doctor tells him, "Just eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock." Steve says, "Will that keep me from getting sick? "The doctor says, "No, but it'll look real pretty in the water."
Inspecting the Truck
A young man was walking into town one day when a wood hauler gave him a ride. After traveling about a mile or two, the truck was stopped by the highway patrol for a weight check and inspection. The truck inspection revealed the truck had slick tires; no horn; no head, tail or signal lights; no windshield wipers. Also, it was overloaded and had bad brakes. "Mister," the patrolman said to the driver, "I think the best way to charge you is 'hauling wood without a truck.'"
Son in the Outhouse
A man was heading to England and his next-door neighbor Mrs. Dunn had just sent her son Olmos off to England a week ago. He hadn't called since he was there, so she asked the man to get him to call her. She knew he was staying in a big white house so she told him that. When he arrived in England, the man asked the first person he saw for the big white house. Thinking he meant the outhouse, the Brit said, ''It is in the middle of the park.'' So the man went to the park and saw a white house in the center. He knocked on the door and said, ''Are you Olmos Dunn?'' A voice came from inside, ''Yeah, I just have to find the toilet paper.''
Bragging On Japan
There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!" After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!" And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!" The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was US $300. The Japanese exclaimed, "Wah... so expensive!" There upon, the driver yelled back, "Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!"