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The best jokes and joke writers!

Signs And Notices 14

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

  • Sign in a Rome laundry: "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
  • Sign in the window of a Swedish furrier: "Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin."
  • Sign on the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: "Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life."
  • Detour sign in Kobe, Japan: "Stop: Drive Sideways."
  • Sign in a Swiss mountain inn: "Special today -- no ice cream."
  • Sign in a Copenhagen airline ticket office: "We take your bags and send them in all directions."
  • Sign on the door of a Moscow hotel room: "If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it."
  • Sign in a Norwegian cocktail lounge: "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar."

Unlucky Traveling Salesman

Seems that the traveling salesman was driving in the country and his car broke down. He hiked several miles to a farm house, and asked the farmer if there was a place he could stay over night. "Sure," said the farmer, "my wife died several years ago, and my two daughters are 21 and 23, but they're off to college, and I'm all by my self, so I have lots of room to put you up." Hearing this, the salesman turned around and started walking back towards the highway, and the farmer called after him, "Didn't you hear what I said? I have lots of room." "I heard you," said the salesman, "but I think I'm in the wrong joke."

Customs

A tourist goes on his first overseas trip. Upon arriving, he is visibly puzzled filling his visa application. The customs official looks over his shoulder, and sees the tourist trying to write 'Twice a week' into the small space labeled 'SEX'. The official explains: "No, no, no. That is not what we mean by this question. We are asking 'Male' or 'Female'." "Doesn't matter," the tourist answers.

Buddies Go Inside Europe

Two friends, named Harry and George, go on a trip to Europe, where they have a great time. When they get back, Harry meets up with his pal Phil to tell him all about it. "One of the first places we went to was the leaning tower of Pisa. It was really neat." "Cool. Did you go up inside it?" "No, we couldn't, since George is a cripple. But we did go to visit the Cathedral of Notre Dame in Paris. That was really neat." "Cool. Did you go up inside it?" "No, we couldn't, since George is a cripple. But we did go to visit Big Ben in London." "Cool. Did you go up inside it?" "No, we couldn't, since George is a cripple. But we did attend mass at the Vatican." "Really? What happened?" "Well, the Pope made the sign of the cross, and George dropped his right crutch, and he dropped his left crutch." "Cool. What happened then?" "George fell on his ass. He's a cripple, you know."

Big Ben

Q: Did you hear about the two poofters who went to London?

A: They were REALLY pissed off when they found out Big Ben was a clock.