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Do This While Driving

Strange and silly things to do while driving. We do not advise doing any of the below "things to do while driving", as all driving should be taken seriously. The below "things to do while driving" are simply here for entertainment purposes.

  • Vary your vehicle's speed inversely with the speed limit.
  • Roll down your windows and blast talk radio.
  • Attempt to headbang.
  • At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors.
  • Two words: Chicken suit.
  • Write the words "Help me" on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.
  • Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.
  • Laugh a lot. A whole lot.
  • Stop at the green lights. Go at the red ones.
  • Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.
  • Eat food that requires silverware.
  • Pass cars, then drive very slowly.
  • Sing without having the radio on.
  • Honk frequently without motivation.
  • Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look and an obscene gesture.
  • Ask people for Grey Poupon.
  • Let pedestrians know who's boss.
  • Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look.
  • Restart your car at every stop light.
  • Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them, stroking them lovingly.
  • Lob burning things in the windows of smokers who throw their butts out the window.
  • While stopped at a light, piss out the window/sunroof onto other cars.
  • Keep at least five cats in the car.
  • Root (cheer, not snuffle in the mud) for firetrucks.
  • Stop and collect roadkill.
  • Throw Spam.
  • Get in the fast lane and gradually ... slow ... down ... to a stop. Then get out and watch the cars. Throw Spam at them. 

Worst Pullover

A man was driving down a local street one day and approached a stop sign. He barely slowed down, and ran right through the stop sign after glancing for traffic. What the driver didn't know was that a policeman was watching the intersection. The policeman pulled out after him and stopped the car two blocks away. The policeman says, "License, registration, and proof of insurance please." "Before I give it to you, tell me what the hell you stopped me for, man," responds the driver. The policeman says, "Watch your tone sir, you ran the stop sign back there!" "Man, I slowed down, what the hell is the difference!?!" responds the driver. The police officer pulled out his night stick and began smashing it over the man's head and shoulders. "Now, do you want me to just slow down or stop!?!"

Why Do Blondes Like Sunroofs?

Q: Why do blondes like sunroofs?

A: More legroom!

Three Gay Men

Three gay male strip club dancers are driving on the freeway when their car breaks down. They didn't have a cell phone and needed a way to get help.  Two of the men get undressed and put on raincoats from the trunk.  They stand at opposite ends of the car and start twerking and flapping their coats open and closed, exposing themselves to the passing traffic. A police car soon pulls up and talks to the driver. “What are those two idiots doing?” says the policeman . “Them?” replies the driver. “They’re my emergency flashers.”

Regular Maintenance

A man pushes his car into the garage and tells the mechanic that the engine just died on him down the street. After a few moments of tinkering under the hood, the engine is purring again. “Great,” says the driver. “How did you fix it?” “Just crap in the carburetor,” replies the mechanic. “Okay,” replies the man. “So how often do I have to do that?”