Even More Bumper Stickers!
- Heart Attacks... God's Revenge for Eating His Animal Friends
- How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?
- I'm an imbecile and I vote
- Money Isn't Everything... But it Sure Keeps the Kids In Touch
- If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
- 100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?
- Grow your own dope, plant a man
- All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets
- Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
- I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
- BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
- I need someone really bad...Are you really bad?
- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
- All men are idiots...I married their king.
- Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs
- Don't drink and drive...You might hit a bump and spill it
- We are born naked, wet, and hungry....Then things get worse.
Stopping for Directions
A woman was trying to find her son's baseball field. She drove around and around and finally decided she was lost. She stopped at a gas station to ask for directions. She asked the man behind the counter if he knew where Cooper's Field was. He said, "You turn left at Rainville Road. At the next fork in the road, go to the right. There's a little farm and about a mile after that you turn right. In a few minutes you will see a little service station called Joey's." The woman looked around and observed, "This is called Joey's." The guy was impatient and said, "That's what I was getting around to telling you. The field is right behind the station."
A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my shift is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go." The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"
How to identify a Canadian driver:
- One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: MONTREAL
- One hand on wheel, one finger out window: TORONTO
- One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: OTTAWA
- Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: SASKATOON, but driving in TORONTO
- Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in the back seat: QUEBEC CITY
- One hand on 12 oz. double shot latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game, banging head on steering wheel while stuck in traffic: VANCOUVER
- One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the brake and both feet on the accelerator, throwing McDonald's bag out the window: RED DEER
- Four wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on the floor, raccoon tails attached to the antenna: PRINCE GEORGE
- Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above windshield driving 40 km/hr on Hwy 1 in the left lane with the left blinker on: VICTORIA
- One ski-doo mitt on steering wheel, one ski-doo mitt scrapper in hand out front window scrapping frost, Guess Who on 8 track playing Share The Land, hockey equipment smelling up car interior, waiting at lights for snow removal equipment to finish clearing intersection: WINNIPEG
Q: How many people will fit in a Florida Volkswagen?
A: Four in the seats and seven in the ashtray.