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The best jokes and joke writers!

Patriots Admit Guilt

Q: What did the Patriots say about #deflategate in their press conference?

A: The Patriots said it was true, they did deflate the Colts balls during the championship game.

Blonde - Indiana

Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?

A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.

Where the Winds Blow

Q: Why does the wind blow from the north in Indiana?

A: Kentucky sucks.

Notre Dame, IU, and Purdue Players

There were 3 basketball players, one each from IU, Notre Dame, and Purdue, standing on a burning roof in Indianapolis. The fire department came with a blanket and yelled to the Notre Dame player to jump. He jumped and they moved it to the right. He hit the sidewalk with a splat. They then called to the IU player to jump. He said that he wouldn't jump. They said they liked IU better than Notre Dame. So he jumped and the fire department moved the blanket to the left. The IU player hit with a splat on the sidewalk. Then they called to the Purdue player to jump. He said that he wouldn't jump. The fire department said they hated IU and Notre Dame. He yelled back, "Lay the blanket down on the sidewalk, and then I'll jump!"

Indiana Crazy Laws

  • One man may not back into a parking spot because it prevents police officers from seeing the license plate.
  • Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March.
  • All males 18 to 50 years old must work six days a year on public roads.
  • Mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans.
  • Hotel sheets must be exactly 99 inches long and 81 inches wide.
  • State government officials who engage in private duels can be dismissed from their post.
  • Drinking from your own bottle in a bar can lead to your arrest.
  • A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes, and is under the age of 17.
  • It is illegal to sell cars on Sunday. Drinks on the house are illegal.
  • It is illegal for a liquor store to sell cold soft drinks.
  • A person who dyes, stains, or otherwise alters the natural coloring of a bird or rabbit commits a Class B misdemeanor. (Ind. Code 15-2.1-21-13(b)
  • Smoking in the state legislature building is banned, except when the legislature is in session.
  • Liquor stores may not sell milk.
  • Check forgery can be punished with public flogging up to 100 stripes.
  • Grocery stores may not sell any type of cold liquor.
  • You can get out of paying for a dependent's medical care by praying for him/her.
  • Pedestrians crossing the highway at night are prohibited from wearing tail lights.
  • No one may catch a fish with his bare hands.
  • Men are prohibited from standing in a bar.
  • You are not allowed to carry a cocktail from the bar to a table. The waiter or waitress has to do it.
  • "Spiteful Gossip" and "talking behind a person's back" are illegal.
  • You are required to pour your drink into a glass.
  • It is against the law to pass a horse on the street.
  • If any person has a puppet show, wire dancing or tumbling act in the state of Indiana and receives money for it, they will be fined $3 under the Act to Prevent Immoral Practices.
  • Anyone 14 or older who profanely curses, damns or swears by the name of God, Jesus Christ or the Holy Ghost, shall be fined one to three dollars for each offense, with a maximum fine of ten dollars per day.
  • A three dollar fine per pack will be imposed on anyone playing cards in Indiana under the Act for the Prevention of Gaming.
  • The value of Pi is 4, and not 3.1415.
  • (Repealed) Auburn - It is illegal to bike, roller-skate, skateboard, or inline skate in a commercially zoned area. For these offenses, there is a fine of no more than $5 or the impounding of one's bicycle for a period not to exceed 30 days.
  • Beech Grove - It is forbidden to eat watermelon in the park.
  • Elkhart - It is illegal for barbers to threaten to cut off kid's ears.
  • Evansville - While driving on Main Street you may not have your lights on.
  • Fort Wayne - You may not sell or play on a radio broadcast, the record "It`s In the Book".
  • Gary - Within four hours of eating garlic, a person may not enter a movie house, theater, or ride a public streetcar.
  • South Bend - It is illegal to make a monkey smoke a cigarette.
  • Terre Haute - No one may spit on the sidewalk.