Sports Jokes - Soccer / Football Jokes

A blonde began a job as an Junior school counselor, and she was eager to help. One day during break she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of football at the other. The counselor approached and asked if he was alright. The boy said he was. A little while later, however, she noticed the boy was in the same spot, still by himself. Approaching again, she said, "Would you like me to be your friend?" The boy hesitated, then said, "Okay", looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, she then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone? Why don't you go and join those boys playing football over there?". "Because," the little boy said with great exasperation, "I'm the bloody goalie."

10. Balls are always checked for firmness

9. Periods only last 45 minutes

8. Parents cheer when you score

7. Soccer is a legal profession

6. Protective equipment can be washed and reused

5. Size doesn't matter

4. If you get too rough you get a red card

3. You can score using your head or your feet

2. Lasts a full 90 minutes

1. You can juggle your balls in front of your mother

First I'll do a header, then you do one. Goooaaalll!

Q: What is the difference between Liverpool football and a tea bag?

A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

Q: What should a football team do if the pitch is flooded?

A: Bring on their subs!