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The best jokes and joke writers!

Settle This With Fishing

The Presidential election was too close to call. Neither the Republican candidate nor the Democratic candidate had enough votes to win. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things. The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election. Therefore, it was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the winner. After much of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Minnesota. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch for counting and verification by a team of neutral parties. At the end of the first day, John McCain returned to the starting line and he had ten fish. Soon, Obama returned and had no fish. Well, everyone assumed he was just having another 'bad hair' day or something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day. At the end of the 2nd day McCain came in with 20 fish and Obama came in again with none. That evening, Harry Reid got together secretly with Obama and said, 'Obama, I think John McCain is a low-life, cheatin' son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don't even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see just how he is cheating.' The next night (after McCain returns with 50 fish), Harry Reid asks Obama, 'Well, tell me... how is John McCain cheating?' Obama replied, 'Harry, you're not going to believe this, but he's cutting holes in the ice.'

Moral of the Story: Experience Counts.

Fishing License

A couple of young fellers were fishing at their special pond off the beaten path when out of the bushes jumped the Game Warden!!  Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods and hot on his heels came the Game Warden.  After about a half mile the fella stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath and the Game Warden finally caught up to him.

"Lets see yer fishin license, Boy !!", the Warden gasped. With that, the fella pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.

"Well, son", said the Game Warden, " You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks!  You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!"  "Yes Sir", replied the young feller,  " But my friend back there, well he don't have one"...

Live Bait Fishing

There were these three blokes sitting on the high cliffs of a lonely beach, with a rope going down into the surf and a Chinaman frantically trying to climb up. While they were sitting there a Priest walks along, looks over and says, "God bless you children, that's Christianity at work. May the lord bless you both," and then kept on walking. One bloke looks at the other, "Who the fuck was that?" "Oh," said the other bloke, "that's Father Johnston. He knows all there is about the bible." The other bloke looked around and quickly says, "Well he knows fuck about shark fishing."

Old Fishermen

OLD FISHERMEN never die, they just get reel tired.

Ice Fishing Luck

An old man walked out onto a frozen lake on a bitter cold winter day. He drilled a hole in the ice, sat on his bucket, put his fishing line in the water and eagerly waited for a fish to bite. He was there for almost five hours without even a nibble when a young boy walked out, drilled a hole in the ice and sat on his bucket not far from the old man. It only took about one minute and BAM! A huge walleye bit his hook and the boy pulled in the fish. The old man couldn't believe it and figured it was just luck. Yet, the boy put his fish line in again and within just two minutes he pulled in another huge walleye! This went on and on until finally the old man couldn't stand it any more. He hadn't caught a fish all day. He went to the boy and said, "Boy, I've been here nearly all day without even a nibble. You have been here only a few minutes and have caught TEN huge fish! How do you do it?" The boy said, "Oo af o rep ra rums rm." "What," asked the old man? Again the boy said, "Oo af o rep ra rums rm." Freezing and impatient the old man yelled "Look, I can't understand a word you are saying." So, the boy took off his gloves, spit a clump of stuff into his hands and said, "You have to keep the worms warm!!"