The Golfer vs. The Fisherman
Q: What's the difference between a golfer and a fisherman?
A: When a golfer lies he doesn't have to bring anything home to prove it!
Only One Sale
A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there. The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?" "Yes, I was a salesman in the country" said the lad. The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up." The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o'clock came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?". "One," said the young salesman. "Only one," blurted the boss, "Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?" "Three hundred thousand dollars," said the young man. "How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss. "Well," said the salesman, "this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser." The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?" "No," answered the salesman, "He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, 'Your weekend's shot, you may as well go fishing.'"
Sunday Morning Fishing
There was this man who had a dog. Every Sunday morning at 4:30 AM the man and the dog would go fishing. One day, the man fell in love and got married. After the wedding, when the man and the woman got in bed together, the man turned to the woman. ''Tomorrow is Sunday and every Sunday morning, me and my dog go fishing at 4:30 AM. We'd like you to come along.'' ''And what if I don't want to come along?'' the woman asked impatiently. ''Well then, sweetie, we'll just have to have buttsex.'' With that, the man rolled over and fell asleep, and left the woman pondering. ''God, I hate having the buttsex, but I also hate getting up so early. I'll have to think about this more." In the morning, the woman could hear the man going downstairs to get the dog. It was much too early for the woman to get up so she decided to wait for the inevitable buttsex. She waited for about half an hour and fell back asleep, thinking her husband had left already. She awoke to the man, pulling on her arm. ''Have you made your decision?'' he asked ''Yes,'' she replied. ''I do not want to go fishing.'' True to his word, the man pulled down his pants. "By the way, what took you so long to come upstairs? It usually doesn't take that long to get Sparky up.'' ''I know,'' the man said. ''He didn't want to go either.''
Fathers and Sons
Q: On a sunny day, two fathers and two sons went fishing. Each one of them caught one fish. When they went home, there were only three fishes, why?
A: Because a grandfather, a father and a son went fishing.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.