Ice - Fishing Blonde

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!!!!"
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino and began to cut another hole in the ice. Again from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!!!"
The blonde, now quite worried, moved down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole in the ice. The voice came once more, "FOR THE LAST TIME, THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!!"
She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?"
The voice replied, "NO you idiot!... This is the Ice-Rink Manager."

Texan in Canada

A Texas oil tycoon is in northern Canada for a vacation and has booked a day of fishing on the Great Slave Lake. The guide says they will start out on the lake at sun up, two am. As they start out the guide says, “Have you ever seen such a long day?” The Texan lights a cigar and says, “Sonny, the sun never sets on Texas, it’s God’s country”
As they head out across The Great Slave, the tenth largest in the world, the guide asks, “Have you ever fished on a lake a big as this?” The Texan puffs on his cigar and says, “Sonny, back in Texas this would just be a pond.”
Finally they arrive at the fishing ground. They set their gear and the Texan reels in a few nice ones then he hooks a big one. The fight goes on for hours. Finally he reels it close enough to the boat to see that it is a monster, the biggest he has ever seen. In his mind he already sees it mounted over his fireplace, a trophy to brag to his friends about. The guide muscles the boat into the boat and turns to the Texan with a smile, “Have you ever seen a trout this big?”
Unable to resist, the Texan shrugs and says, “Why, Sonny, back in Texas we throw little ones like that back.” 
The guide smiles and drops the fish back into the lake. “We do the same thing here in Canada.”

Pub Fishing

It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of the little Irish pub. An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water. A curious gentleman asked what he was doing. “Fishing”, replied the old man. Poor old fool, thought the gentlemen. So, he decided he would invite the old man to have a drink in the pub. Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman asked, “And, how many have you caught today?” 
“You're the sixth,” he answered.