Baby Bear Wants to Live Somewhere Else
The three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. Mama and Papa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with. So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living with either of his parents. When he asked baby bear about living with his father, baby bear said "No, I can't live with Papa bear, he beats me terribly." "OK," said the judge, "then you want to live with your mother, right?" "No way!" replied baby bear, "She beats me worse than Papa bear does." The judge was a bit confused by this, and didn't quite know what to do. "Well, you have to live with someone, so is there any relatives you would like to stay with?" asked the judge. "Yes," answered baby bear, "my aunt Bertha bear who lives in Chicago." "You're sure she will treat you well and won't beat you?" asked the judge. "Oh definitely," said baby bear, "the Chicago Bears don't beat anybody."
Q: Hey, you wanna win?
A: Nah, we'll pass.
Run Pete Run
Q: What did Pete Carroll say to the prostitute after the super bowl?
A: I'll pass.
Q: Which football player wears the biggest helmet?
A: The one with the biggest head.
Semester Credit Lightbulb
Q: How many college football players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!