Chauvinist Pigs...Bulb?

Q:  How many male chauvinistic pigs does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  None. Let the bitch do it by herself. Or None. Let the bitch cook in the dark.

Great Female Comebacks

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."
 
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
 
Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
 
Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."
 
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."
 
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"
 
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized !"
 
Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason."
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"
 
Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."
Woman: "You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?"
 
Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then why aren't you leaving me alone?"
 
Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
 
Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy."
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."
 
Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
 
Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."
 
Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?

The Woman's Secret

At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. "No woman," said one man, scornfully, "can keep a secret." "I don't know about that," huffily answered a woman guest. "I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one." "You'll let it out some day," the man insisted. "I hardly think so!" responded the lady. "When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever."