Sex Jokes - Private Parts

There's a celery, a carrot, and a dick talking. The celery was like "Man, I got it bad, they chop me up and put me in cold water!"

Then the carrot was like "You think you got it bad? They chop me up and stick me in HOT water!"

Then the dick said "Ya, well I got it the worst. They put me in a plastic bag, stick me in a dark cave, and make me do push-ups until I puke!"

Q: Why did the dick go to the 7-11?

A: To get a slurpee.

Q: What's the dumbest part of a man's body?

A: His penis. It has a head without a brain, it swings with two nuts, and it lives right around the corner from an asshole.

Once upon a time there was a 98-year old woman whose billionaire husband died. The woman had inherited all of her deceased husband's fortune and decided she would see if she could remarry herself a fine young man. So, she walked into a bar and announced to all the men that she had inherited billions of dollars and would marry the guy with the biggest dick. Now of course this woman wasn't all that in the looks department, as a matter of fact she looked more like a shriveled prune then a human being, however, the guys didn't care. They knew this old lady would croak soon and they would get all that money. The woman then told the men to stiff themselves up to full erection and lay their dicks on a long table. They did what she said. All of a sudden, two gay guys walked into the bar, looked at the table and said "Mmmm! A buffet!"

Q: What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked in to the office?

A: I can clearly see "you're" nuts!