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Sex Jokes - Private Parts
The Enchanted Snake
It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter. As one cowboy's horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine. The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake. "Hold on there, partner," said the snake, "don't shoot- I'm an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don't shoot me, I'll give you any three wishes you want." The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of the snake's striking range. He said, "OK, first, I'd like to have a face like Clark Gable, then, I'd like a build like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and finally, I'd like sexual equipment like this here horse I'm riding." The rattlesnake said, "All right, when you get back to the bunk house you'll have all three wishes." The cowboy turned his horse around and galloped at full speed all the way to the bunk house. He dismounted on the run and went straight inside to the mirror. Staring back at him in the mirror was the face of Clark Gable. He ripped the shirt off his back and revealed bulging, rippling muscles, just like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Really excited now, he tore down his jeans, looked at his crotch and shouted... "Oh My God... I was riding the MARE!
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Penal Enlargement Announcement
I was actually thinking about getting penal enlargement surgery -- thought I'd share that with everybody. But the surgery is dangerous, and it's really expensive. But I found this great, safe alternative to penal enlargement surgery: the metric system.
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Headaches
This fellow had been suffering from excruciating headaches for some time, and finally went to a doctor. After a thorough exam, the physician called the fellow into his office and said, "Well, I'm not exactly sure what is causing your headaches, but we've found a cure for them: you'll have to be castrated." The man, needless to say, was taken aback, and told his doctor that he believed he would try to bear the pain. But as time went on, the headaches only got worse, and finally, the poor fellow was driven back to the doctor. "All right, I guess I'll have the operation," he said. When it was all over, the man was understandably depressed, and his physician told him, "I recommend you begin life anew. Start over from this point." So the man decided to take the advice and went to a men's shop for a new set of clothes. The proprietor said, "Starting with the suit, looks like you take about a 38-regular." "That's right," exclaimed the man, "How'd you know?" "Well, when you've been in the business as long as I have, you get pretty good at sizing a man up," replied the salesman. "Now, for a shirt, looks like about a 15 long." "Right again," the man said. The proprietor suggested, "And for undershorts, I'd say a size 36." "There's your first mistake," the man said, "I've worn 34's for years." "No, you're a size 36 if I've ever seen one," said the owner. The man replied, "I ought to know what size undershorts I wear, and I'll take 34." The owner replied, "Well all right, if you insist, but they're going to pinch your balls and give you headaches!!"
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