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The best jokes and joke writers!

Time Please

A tourist walking through Cairo asks the time from an old man standing next to a camel. The old man grabs the camel’s balls lifts them up and says, “It is now noon.” The tourist is very impressed. He goes back to his hotel and tells a fellow guest that he’s met an old man who can tell the time by the weight of his camel’s balls. Next day both of them go to the man and ask him the time. The old man lifts the camel’s balls and says, “It is half past nine.” This is correct, and the two tourists go back to the hotel and tell a third guest of their discovery. Next day all three go to the old man to ask the time and, again, the old man obliges by feeling the camel’s balls. “Say,” says the first tourist. “That’s such a great trick. Can you teach me how to do it?” “Certainly,” says the old man. “First you must grasp the testicles of the camel…” The tourist does so. “Then you must raise them to the belly of the camel…” the tourist does so. “Then you must part the two testicles with your thumbs…” The tourist does so. “And in this way we have clear view of the big clock in the tobacco shop’s window…”

Snowpeople

Q: What's the difference between snowmen and snowladies?

A: Snowballs.

Broken Down

Once there was this man whose car broke down. He realized after looking for help for 10 minutes that there was a small farmhouse with an old lady sitting on the porch. He told her his unfortunate story and she gladly let him in. But first she told him, ''I have three rules that you musn't break or I'll see to it that you meet justice! But since talking hurts my throat so much, I won't tell you my rules.'' She let him sleep in the laundry room. He found himself a comfortable pile of old wool sweaters. After puffing his "pillow" he realized that a pair of pants were hanging down from a clothes line over top of his new bed. Seeing that it was no big deal he pulled them down. Instantly the old lady darted into the room and said, ''YOU BROKE MY FIRST RULE!'' He was sent outside to sleep in the donkey's stable. Right beside him was a tiny donkey kicking him so much that he slapped it. In a flash grandma was there: ''You broke the second rule. Watch out.'' He was sent onto the porch to sleep. All of a sudden a big, ugly cat came along and started rubbing all over him. Being allergic to cat hair, he shaved it bald. Here came the grandma. ''You broke the third rule,'' she starts, ''I'm calling the cops.'' The cops came and requested a description of what happened. The old lady said, ''That man is a damned rapist. He pulled down my pants, slapped my ass and shaved my pussy!"

Condom Sponsors!

Imagine if major companies from all around the world started producing or sponsoring condoms. They would become fashionable and companies would probably advertise more openly.  Imagine the trademarks:

  • Nike Condoms - Just do It! 
  • Toyota Condoms - Oh what a feeling
  • Ford Condoms - The ride of your life
  • Sony Condoms - Do not underestimate the power of Sony
  • Microsoft Condoms - Where do you want to go today?
  • KFC Condoms - Finger Licking Good
  • M&Ms Condoms - Melt in your mouth, not in your hands
  • Coca-Cola Condom - The Real Thing
  • Ever-Ready Condoms - Keep going and going
  • Macintosh Condoms - It does more, it costs less, it's that simple
  • Pringles Condoms - Once you pop, you can't stop

Clearing a Men's Room

Q: What is the quickest way to clear out a men's rest room?

A: Say, "Nice dick."