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Sex Jokes
The Cannibal Test
There were three men who were lost in the forest. They were then captured by cannibals.
The cannibal king then told the prisoners that they could live if they pass the trial. First step of the trial is to go to the forest with the cannibals and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit.
So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits. The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples."
The king then explains the trial to him. You have to shove the fruits up your ass without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten.
The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed and went to heaven.
The second one arrives and shows the king his ten fruits were berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter, therefore also was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven.
The first one asked,"Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"
The second one replied, "I know, but I couldn't help it. I was doing just great when all of a sudden that third guy showed up with all those watermelons!"
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Postal Scare
I scared the postman today by showing up to the door completely naked. I'm not sure what scared him more, the fact that I was naked or that I knew where he lived
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Blonde and Turtle Have in Common
Q: What does a blond and a turtle have in common?
A: When they lay on their backs they're screwed!
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