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Proven Wrong
Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible fight. "I am the most beautiful person in the world," proclaimed Sleeping Beauty. "No, you're not," answered Don Juan and Tom Thumb. "I am the smallest person in the world," shouted Tom Thumb. "No, you're not," said Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan. "I've had more lovers than any person in the world," announced Don Juan. "No, you haven't" replied Tom Thumb and Sleeping Beauty. Well, they decided that if the three were to get along, they needed a mediator, and decided that Merlin, clearly the smartest person in the world, would be ideal. Merlin agreed and summoned them all to his palace, where he announced he would meet with them one at a time. Sleeping Beauty went in first and not a minute later came out beaming "I am the most beautiful person in the world, Merlin said so." In went Tom Thumb and out he came as quickly as had Sleeping Beauty: "I am the smallest person in the world, Merlin agrees." In goes Don Juan and in he stays, a half hour, an hour, an hour and a half later. Finally, he emerges distraught, muttering, "Who the hell is Bill Clinton?"
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Deaf Sex
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights (because they can't see each other using sign language, natch).
After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife proposes a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea! Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time."
"And if you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis......two hundred times"
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David Copperfield and His Wife
David Copperfield is doing his magic show and asks if anyone would like to show him a trick? "I will," replies a guy in the audience, "but I'm going to need your wife Claudia and a table." "Ok", says David and the guy gets on stage. He then bends Claudia over the table, pulls down her knickers and starts fucking her from behind. David is now very pissed off and says, "That isn't a trick!!!" The guy just looks at David Copperfield and replies, "I know, it's fucking magic!"
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