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Sex Jokes - Oral Sex Jokes
Three guys named Larry
Three ladies are sitting in a bar. All of them have husbands named Larry. One lady asks, "If you could name your husband after any soda pop, what would it be?" The first lady thinks for a minute and says, "Mountain Dew, because he can mount and do me anytime." The second lady thinks for awhile and finally says, "7-Up, because he has seven inches and can always get it up." The third lady thinks for a long time and finally says, "Jack Daniels." The other ladies look at her with a confused look and say, "Wait a minute, Jack Daniels is a hard liquor." The third lady says, "Yep, thats my Larry!"
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The Blondes Name their Boyfriends
Three blondes had boyfriends all named John and they kept getting confused. They decided to name them after sodas. The first girl said, "I'll call mine 7 Up, because he's seven inches and he's always up." The next girl said, "I'll call mine Mountain Dew, because he mounts me and knows exactly what to do." The last girl goes, "I'll call mine Jack Daniels." The other girls yelled at her and said, "That's not a soda! That's a hard licker!"
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Christmas Bridge
Christmas Eve, a miserable woman stands on the edge of a high bridge contemplating suicide. As she goes to step off she feels resistance from behind. She turns around to see Santa Claus holding her jacket.
"Santa Claus??" exclaims the woman, "Yes, why are you out here so miserable on Christmas Eve, young lady?" Asks Santa.
"Well, I have nothing left to live for. I was fired from my job, my husband left with the kids, my landlord is evicting me, and my cancer has returned."
Santa replies, "Fret not, for Christmas miracles are real. When you go home tonight, you will have a message from your boss giving you your job back, your husband will be waiting happily with the children, you will have your apartment back, and your cancer will be gone."
"My goodness!" exclaims the woman. "That is truly a miracle, is there any way I can ever repay you?"
"There is one thing... how about a blowjob?"
"Well... sure!"
The woman gets on her knees, unzips Santa, gives him the best blower of his life, and slurps up every last bit.
As Santa is about to leave, he asks the woman "by the way, how old are you?" "I'm 27" replies the woman while wiping her mouth. "You're 27 and you still believe in Santa Claus?" he replies while chuckling heartily, walking into the night.
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