School Jokes - Others

Real Answers From Earth Science Exams

• The terrestrial planets are much larger than the gas giants.
• Wegener found matching bedbugs on opposite sides of the Atlantic.
• The main problem associated with limestone aquifers is Lyme disease.
• We don't have rock salt on Guam because that forms from from evaporation of oceans and we don't have oceans on Guam.
• Erie, Pennsylvania has no volcanoes because it's too cold there.
• The most important agent of landscape formation on Guam is greyhounds - they are intelligent.
• We know that the sun is much farther away from us than the moon is, because we can see stars between us and the sun, but not between us and the moon.
• The rear end of a trilobite is called a trilobutt. 

____________________UniversityTo: Professor____________________ From: __________________I think my grade in your course, ___________________, should be changed from ______ to _______ for the following reasons:______

1. The persons who copied my paper made a higher grade than I did.______

2. The person whose paper I copied made a higher grade than I did.______

3. This course will lower my Grade Point Average and I won't get into:______ Law School______Medical School ______Graduate School______Dental School ______My Fraternity/Sorority______The Mickey Mouse Club ______Tri County Tech______

4. I have to get an A in this course to balance the F in_______________.

5. I'll lose my scholarship.______

6. I'm on a varsity sports team and my tutor couldn't find a copy of your exam.______

7. I didn't come to class and the person whose notes I used did not cover the material asked for on the exam.______

8. I studied the basic principles and the exam wanted every little fact.______

9. I learned all the facts and definitions but your exams asked about general principles._____

10. You are prejudiced against:______Males ______Jews ______Blacks______Females ______Catholics ______Whites______Protestants ______Moslems ______Minorities______Chicanos ______People ______Students_____

11. If I flunk out of school my father will disinherit me or at least cut my allowance._____

12. I was unable to do well in this course because of the following illness:______mono______broken baby finger______acute alcoholism______pregnancy______VD______fatherhood_____

13. You told us to be creative but you didn't tell us exactly how you wanted that done._____

14. I was creative and you said I was just shooting the bull._____

15. I don't have a reason; I just want a higher grade._____

16. The lectures were:______too detailed to pick out important points______not explained in sufficient detail______too boring______all jokes and not enough material______all of the above_____

17. This course was:______too early, I was not awake.______at lunchtime, I was hungry______too late, I was tired_____

18. My (dog, cat, gerbil) (ate, wet on, threw up on) my (book, notes, paper) for this course._____

19. Other_____

Should you have any questions during the exam, just raise your hand. This should cause enough blood to flow to your brain to answer it yourself.

Here is an explanation of the school homework policy for the average student. Students should not spend more than ninety minutes per night. This time should be budgeted in the following manner if the student desires to achieve moderate to good grades in his/her classes.

• 15 minutes looking for assignment.
• 11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment.
• 23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like children.
• 8 minutes in the bathroom.
• 10 minutes getting a snack.
• 7 minutes checking the TV Guide.
• 6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment.
• 10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment.

Now I lay me down to study, I pray the Lord I won't go nutty. If I should fail to learn this junk, I pray the Lord I will not flunk. But if I do, don't pity me at all, just lay my bones in the study hall. Tell my prof I did my best, then pile my books upon my chest. Now I lay me down to rest and pray I'll pass tomorrow's test. If I should die before I wake, that's one less test I'll have to take.