Q: What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?
A: A natural major.
Two storks on a nest, a father stork and baby stork. Baby is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. "Don't worry Son, your mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy." The next night, its fathers turn to do the job." Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy to new mommies and daddies." A few days later, the stork parents are desperate, their son is gone from the nest all night. Finally, shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask their son where he had been all night. Says the baby stork, "Aw, just scaring the shit out of college kids!"
Ten things to do with a graduate Economics textbook
- Press pretty flowers.
- Press pretty insects.
- Use it as paper weight on your already over-cluttered desk.
- Leave out in obvious places to impress uninformed undergraduates.
- Mail to the White House as an intimidation tactic.
- Give it a walk-on part in a boring European existentialist play.
- Just throw the lousy thing away.
- Leave out for the rain and other forces of nature to reckon with.
- Read it, and weep.
- Get a refund from bookstore so you can buy a weekend's beer supply.
Blonde Psychology Major
Q: Have you heard about the blonde psychology major working her way through college as a prostitute?
A: For $50, she'll screw with your mind.
Psychology Student's Assignment
A psychology student at a local university was sent on a field assignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital. The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis balls everywhere. The student asked why, and the patient answered, "When I get out of here I going to be a tennis pro." The second patient was locked in his room throwing baseballs everywhere. When asked why he said, "When I get out of here I'm going to be a professional baseball player." The student thought he was starting to get the hang of things, until he looked in on the third patient. There locked in the middle of the room was a naked man, masturbating with a peanut on the end of his penis. The student asked, "I understand about the others, but what are you going to be when you get out of here?" "They're never going to let me out of here," the patient said "I'm f**king nuts!"