School Jokes - College Jokes

Bonkistry Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught for about a zillion years by Professor Bonk (really), and his course is semi-affectionately known as "Bonkistry." He has been around forever, so I wouldn't put it past him to come up with something like this.

Anyway, one year there were these two guys who were taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the midterms and labs, etc., such that going into the final they had a solid "A". These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chem final was on Monday), they decided to go up to U of Virginia and party with some friends up there.  So they did and had a great time. However, they had impressive hang overs overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, what they did was to find Professor Bonk after the final and explain to him a version of why they missed the final.

They told him that they went up to U Va for the weekend and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare and couldn't get help for a long time, so they were late getting back to campus. Bonk thought this over and then agreed that they could make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated and relieved.  So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time that Bonk had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, which was something simple about molarity and solutions and was worth 5 points. "Cool" they thought, "this is going to be easy." They did that problem and then turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page. It said:

(95 points) Which tire?

Q: How do you get a Harvard graduate off your porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.

A group of students had a biology lab. As a part of this lab they were supposed to scrape some bacteria off their teeth with a toothpick and then examine it under the microscope. But this one girl had some problems identifying her bacteria and asked the professor what they were. "Those are sperm cells."

Q: If you have a Virginia Tech football player and a UVA Football player in the same car at the same time, who drives?

A: The state trooper!!"

Two college roommates are about to go to bed. The guy in the top bunk has his girlfriend sleeping over. To try and keep quiet, they devise a code. His girlfriend will say "tomato" if she wants him to go slower and "lettuce" for him to go faster. As they begin to have sex, the girl starts to moan, "Lettuce, lettuce, tomato, tomato!" The roommate on the bottom bunk wakes up the next morning and says, "Stop making sandwiches at night. You got mayonnaise in my eye!"