Q: On what kind of ships do students study?
Research Paper Excuses
A college professor had just finished explaining how important it was that a research project be turned in on time. He said there were only two acceptable excuses for late projects: 1) A certified medical excuse, or 2) A death in the student's immediate family.
A smart-ass student raised his hand and asked, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" As expected, this caused an explosion of laughter.
After the class had settled down, the professor froze the student with a glaring look and said, "Well, in that case, I guess you would just have to learn how to write with your other hand."
Do the Math
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"
A Lesson in Politics
A son asks his father, "What can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow."
The father thought some and said, "OK, son, the best way I can describe politics is to use an analogy. Let's say that I'm a capitalist, because I'm the breadwinner. Your mother will be the government because she controls everything, our maid will be the working class because she works for us, you will be the people because you answer to us, and your baby brother will be the future. Does that help any?"
The little boy said, "Well, Dad, I don't know, but I'll think about what you said."
Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, the little boy was woken by his baby brother's crying. Upon further investigation, he found a dirty diaper. So, he went down the hall to his parent's bedroom. He found his father's side of the bed empty, and his mother wouldn't wake up. Then, he saw a light on in the guest room down the hall, and when he reached the door, he saw through the crack that his father was in bed with the maid. The son then turned, and went back to bed.
The next morning, he said to his father at the breakfast table, "Dad, I think I understand politics much better now."
"Excellent, my boy," he answered, "What have you learned?"
The little boy thought for a minute, then said, "I learned that capitalism is screwing the working class, government is sound asleep ignoring the people, and the future's full of crap."
Q: Which teachers care the most about their students?
A: Math teachers, because every student counts.