Golf Courses in Heaven

A cleric found himself wondering whether there were any golf courses in Heaven. He even began to ask the question in his prayers. One day, in answer to his prayers, he received a direct answer from on high. "Yes," said the Heavenly messenger, "There are many excellent golf courses in Heaven. The greens are always in first class condition, the weather is always perfect and you always get to play with the very nicest people." "Oh, thank you," said the cleric, "That really is marvelous news." "Yes, isn't it?" replied the messenger, "And we've got you down for a foursome next Saturday."

Death of a West Texan

A cattleman from West Texas died and went on to the Great Beyond. As he approached the great gate, he noticed that the terrain was bare with no greenery.  He remarked to the gate keeper, "Howdy Saint Peter. Say, this looks just like Texas."  The gatekeeper replied, "First of all, I'm not Saint Peter and second, you really don't know where you are at all, do you?"

The Florist

A local florist just went out of business, but it was his own fault. He kept getting his orders mixed up. One woman received flowers sent by her husband, who was at a business meeting in Florida. She was perplexed by the message on her card: "Our deepest sympathy."
But she was not nearly as surprised as the woman whose husband had just passed away. Her card read, "Hotter here than I expected. Too bad you didn't come too."