Biblical Figures Debate

It was Critics' Day in heaven, when all celebrated biblical figures reflected on their life experiences on earth, and decided what would have been the best approach to performing their respective feats. On the floor today was Moses' parting of the Red Sea in order to escape the pursuing Egyptians. First up was Noah, who said he would have would have used divine foresight to construct an ark in advance, and conveyed the Israelites across. Peter objected to this, claiming Noah's method was too technical, stating that he would have simply helped the Israelites walk on the water across the sea. Elijah objected, calling Peter's method unreliable. He then proposed calling fire down from heaven to consume the Red Sea. Solomon pointed out that this did not solve the problem of the Egyptians. Elijah looked at them incredulously, before saying what appeared to him as obvious: he would call fire down on the Egyptians too. Daniel remarked that Elijah's method wasn't cost-effective. He, and a now furious Elijah, then plunged into a heated argument. Finally, Balaam stood up, and proposed placing his donkey in front of all the advancing Egyptians. They all stared at him in awe.

Basket Baby

Q: Why couldn't Moses believe his mother sent him away in a basket?
A: Because he was in de-nile.

Sunday School Christmas Lesson

A little boy returned from Sunday school with a new perspective on the Christmas story. He had learned all about the Wise Men from the East who brought gifts to the Baby Jesus. He was so excited he could hardly wait to tell his parents. As soon as he arrived home, he immediately began, "I learned all about the very first Christmas in Sunday school today! There wasn't a Santa Claus way back then, so these three skinny guys on camels had to deliver all the toys! And Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer with his nose so bright wasn't there yet, so they had to have this big spotlight in the sky to find their way around!"